"What if he were to cheat on you?"

By Esther Rachel Lai. - 2/11/2016

"What if Shane were to cheat on you?" 

It's a question I've been asked numerous times whether it's on ask.fm or in person. I reckon' it's our young marriage (not forgetting that it was a shotgun one as well) that piqued the curiosity of people because shotgun marriages are often associated with less-than-pleasant stereotypes. Failed marriages, a broken family and cheating spouses, just to name a few.

Today, I've finally decided to answer that question for good.

Needless to say, I would of course be devastated if Shane were to have an affair - the mere thought of it makes me cringe in utter disgust. But I honestly don't know what I would do if he did. Would I live in denial for the sake of our children? Maybe. Would I end up forsaking the marriage for the better of my own happiness? That's a probability. Or would it send me into derangement that I'll take matters into my own hands - literally, with a scissors (HAHAHAHA). Who knows? The saying "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" didn't come about without reason.
The thing is, I am clueless about how I would react if Shane were to cheat on me but what I do know is that I have faith in our marriage.

I know that it's a statement that would garner the sardonic remarks of many who don't know us. My "19 & married" post already drew a handful of distasteful comments mocking at what they deem as my "stupidity" and how our marriage is just a disaster waiting to happen (FYI, this year would mark our fifth year of marriage and we're still going strong) I know five years isn't a very long time and we still have a lifetime ahead of us but Shane & I have been through so much together, it's reached a point where we know better. What I shared on this blog about our young marriage, the trials and obstacles we faced, were but a fragment of what we've been through as a couple & I honestly believe that having withstood all that we have, our marriage is strong enough to withstand the temptation of a third party as well. It may sound like a hopeless romantic talking, but believe me, I'm not talking through my hat. We have been through SO MUCH and have come so far I can't think of any reason as to why he would choose to cheat.

& Frankly speaking, what is so "stupid" in having faith in the man I married? In having faith that both of us will stay true to our vows? In my opinion, I think it's the lack of that's the issue. Marriage is so often correlated with divorce and because it's so common for divorces to happen these days, it's become a social norm to think the worst of a person's marriage. "What if he cheats on you? Just WHAT IF?" - I mean, WHY THE "WHAT IF"?! Is it that absurd to hear that I've utmost confidence in my marriage and that my man will not put everything that we have and our children's happiness in jeopardy? Of course it is not to say that Shane & I are complacent. With so many couples around us splitting up after years of dating/marriage, it certainly scares us to know that it could happen to us as well. But I guess it's a good thing that we're afraid because it's a sign that we both don't want our marriage to fail. A little fear is good in some way, it makes us more cautious of each other's feelings & more wary of our own actions.

Ultimately, if Shane really does cheat on me in future, all I can say is that at the very least, what we have right now is real and at one point of time, we both had faith in our marriage, we both loved each other and we both tried but one of us failed the other. & that's the thing about marriage - you don't know if it'll work out or not but it's a risk we're willing to take to find out. And until that happens, I would much rather focus on building good memories with Shane instead of brooding over something so negative that may or may not happen. If one marries with the constant worry and fear that the worst will happen, THEN MARRY FOR WHAT?! Right?!

So the next time you think of asking someone what if their partner cheats on them, how about asking what are their future goals as a couple instead? The world already has enough negativity so spread love, not hate. :)


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  1. Dear Esther, I enjoyed this post of yours very much. It sets new perspective into my insecurities for relationship and it is a very mature thinking of yours! Have a blessed marriage and family! Kacie 😊

    1. Hello Kacie! Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post! & I'm glad it's helped you in some way! I wish nothing but abundant blessings for you as well!

  2. Hi Esther, thank you for clearing this doubt of mine that stopped me from entering into any relationship. Wishing you many more years of happy marriage, and proving those haters wrong! ;)