Leap of faith.

By Esther Rachel Lai. - 1/21/2015

I've decided that I'm going to take up a part-time degree.

Yay right? But I feel extremely anxious and apprehensive about my decision. Half of me says this is now or never, the other half of me's the worrywart that's always overthinking myself to death with a million "what ifs?". What if I can't cope? What course should I take? What if that course doesn't bring me where I want to be? But where do I want to be? But if I take a specialised degree with direct relations to the banking industry (i.e. Degree in banking and/or finance) I know I'm gonna hate it. And it'll be worse if I can't pass. But what if I take something a more general degree like a bachelor of commerce in management but then end up having difficulties landing a job position I want in future because it's not specialised? Or am i overthinking it way too much? 

I'm not too concerned about not being able to pass a degree course (if so many people out there can, why can't i? Right?) I'm more concerned about drowning myself in stress and caving in before i can even reach that certificate. I know in my head that working and studying and having to care for Kylie is going to be a crazy ride. It's gonna be tedious and half the time I'll probably be a walking zombie and quite frankly, the thought of managing all of that at once is absolutely terrifying to me. 

I do have the full support of my family & in-laws who are more than willing to help me out with Kylie while I attend night classes and also when I've to bury my head in books at home. But I'm really scared, maybe it's the lack of mental preparation since I need to enroll by this month in order for me to take my bridging course and make it for May's intake. 
"No hurry" I hear you say, but if I don't do it now, I probably never will. If i enroll now, I'd attain my degree (hopefully) in mid 2017 thereabout. & that's about the time we're expecting to receive the keys to our new home so if i drag my feet any longer, I probably won't be able to take a degree because I'd have to bear the financial weight of owning a house. & there just won't be enough for me to fork out for a degree. Also, it pains me quite a bit to know that I'll be seeing Kylie a lot less since the nights when I have classes, she'll have to spend the night in the care of my in-laws. That's 2-3 times a week :( Then again, I know that this is only temporary and I'm also doing it so I can give her a comfortable life.
Maybe it's just the chronic overthinker in me. But a very determined little voice in me says "if you don't put yourself through it, you'll never know how strong you truly are". So I'm going to take that leap of faith and dive right into taking my degree. I can't wait for the day I look back at this entry and tell myself how ridiculous I was worrying about nothing. 

The Lord is and will be my strength. Amen.

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