By Esther Rachel Lai. - 10/31/2013

So, a lot has changed since my last post. For one, I've left my job at the bank & I'm now working as a Marketing Executive in one of the private pre-schools here. Everything about this job is great, except the distance. & now I'm wondering if  I made the right choice taking this job. It's an hour and a half's ride from home & it's only my first week so far but I've been feeling sickly since the first day. Not sure if it's just my body getting used to the environment or the journey to and fro that's causing me to feel so unwell. I really think this job has good prospects but the thought of traveling up & down for the rest of my career here is just daunting - physically & mentally. The good thing is I don't have to work on weekends (unless there's an event or something) so it's a pretty well-paying office job.

I've also moved to my parents' place since his enlistment & my mom's been a great help with Kylie, shuttling her back & forth from school because now that I've this new job, by the time I reach home, it's almost 8. The distance from work back home really isn't any fun.

Shane's still serving his NS & he'll be starting his BMT in about a week or so. It hasn't been easy coping without him. I keep feeling so worn out, I just started this job but I feel like giving up already because I've been feeling so lousy being away from not just him but Kylie too. Especially since Shane got confined last weekend & I didn't get to see him at all, paired with me feeling under the weather & Kylie running a fever, times like these I really wish he was here by our side to make it all better. I know me crying to him over the phone just isn't helping his time in the military at all but the nights get so hard sometimes & I find myself waking up in the middle of the night with these anxiety attacks about going to work and all. Don't know what is it but I'm feel like I need a mental recharge. Being the only one supporting this family & having to stay strong the whole time is taking it's toll on me. I find myself just wanting to give up working & being with my family instead most of the time but I know this is impossible. I know I need to change my mentality but it's so easy for all the negativity to come into my head. All I want to do is to be home with Kylie to care for her. Sigh.

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