By Esther Rachel Lai. - 12/20/2010

that was two saturdays ago, the 11th, when things were really bad for me, but still, being with my niece brought a huge smile to my face. i adore kids. absolutely love children.

anyway, things are well, the underlying problem's still there, waiting to be solved. it's tough to make decisions like this. really tough. but at least now that things between shane and i are more or less back to normal, i don't feel like i'm left alone to deal with everything myself. but honestly, it was the hardest period of my entire 18 years of living, i'm not exaggerating. i remember how lost, broken, angry and confused i was, it was really really hard. i have never felt so much hurt and confusion in throughout my 18 years before. i'm glad i'm still here, breathing. but i'm really thankful for all the friends who gave me their shoulders to cry on, their listening ear, their support. i thank God each day for the family, friends, even acquaintances around me. even people that i've never expected to care. anonymous people on formspring and all, really, it was such a difficult time of my life but it was really nice to know that there's so many people who genuinely care, asking me to be strong and's really heart-warming, it kinda kept me going too.
thank you all who cared, really, thank you (:

christmas is a few days away...i've yet to shop for christmas presents, i walked 1 and a half hrs arnd town to find a gift for the boy but it's so hard to choose! i ended up going home empty handed :( anyway, this year, my christmas week's pretty packed. 22nd's picnic with the girls. 24th's work in the morn then dinner over at shane's with his family and christmas party @ berjaya hotel with esther tan and clique. 25th, christmas at shane's with his entire chinese side of the family and some family friends. 26th, christmas over at shane's godma's place with the indian side of his family. and all the other days that i haven't got anything on, i'll be working for the fund that will go into the furnishing of my room. everthing, self-paid. 700-800 bucks, gees. and after that, i wanna work for a TV for my room and then finally my long awaited ipod touch. it's prolly gonna take me another 3 months of work before i get everything that i want. my bank's gonna be wiped out dry. but at least i'll be proud to say that i used my own cash to purchase all the stuff i need/want (: 

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