Friday, 10 December 2010
i would never imagined you'd just...leave me to deal with everything like that. you say you're here, but you're only here cause you have to be, not cause you want to. & you're not really here to start with. i don't know what triggered you. i did nothing. you said it yourself. i really don't deserve this. i am broken beyond repair, i've never felt this devastated before. how can anyone who claims he loves you, just put you through more shit then you're already in? oh, that's right. you just suddenly lost half your feelings for me. after 13 months, and all that we've been through, and what we're going through now. it just suddenly dawned upon you last night that you're done? even if you need space, time, we could've talked. i did nothing shane. there was no need to give me the cold shoulder, or talk to me like i did something wrong. a time out at this point of time? i need you the most here, more than anyone else on this planet. you were supposed to go through this with me, give me support, you were my pillar of strength shane. i was breaking down and you dropped a bombshell on me. i'm completely broken. i don't know how i can handle anymore shit. i'm serious. i'm confused. lost. i don't know what to do, what to say. what i want. and it's so easy for you, to just suddenly, out of nowhere, ignore me like that, tell me shit like this at this point of time. it's not whether after everything's settled or not. but the fact that, you're staying only cause you have to, cause of the situation we're in, you're obliged. you're so ready to pack your bags and leave me alone to fend for myself like that. it isn't cool shane. you've been an asshole to alot of the girls before me. but i thought, i mean, i believed that i was different. i believed your sweet talks. believed that you changed. believed that a player like you would actually give up the game. you told me you wouldn't leave me with this just like that, you said we'd go through this together. the whole day yesterday, you told me don't worry, you're here. at suddenly at night, you just grow cold, you wanna be alone, you don't text me, don't talk to me online, don't answer my calls, don't wanna meet me to talk. and it's as if i did something wrong but i did nothing shane. why are you doing this? everybody's telling me its stupid that i'm still with you. everybody's telling me to just get a grip and do what's right. but it's hard to think with my heart this broken, it's hard to hate you. everybody's here for me. but i need you. and i know i can't need you anymore cause you're just not gonna be there for me. you walked out on me when i needed you most. you said you were gonna be here the whole time. and all of a sudden this. i've practically cried my eyes out dry the whole of last night and today. i broke down shane, and i did nothing to you. there is only so much that a person can take. the last time i asked you, you said you wouldn't do what you did and hurt me like the first time round, remember the night before hillary's birthday? but this is worse. i'd rather you physically abuse me then put me through this like that. i don't know what else to say but i'm am utterly broken, devastated. you said you were gonna be here all along, not be the one that break me. i really trusted you with my heart shane. i really did. well, look who's the fool again huh? i'll agree with everyone, i'm an idiot, i'm stupid and dumb to even still love you right now. it's just stupid, crazy. but you completely broke me last night. coming from you, i thought we could be more than this. i thought wrong. don't tell me you love me, cause you would never leave the one you love in the lurch like that. you will never hurt the one you love to this extent. even the word bastard is an understatement. & it's stupid that i feel bad for calling you that. early in the start, i was so afraid to fall in love again, and you were all "it's not what people think" "it's all about the heart" but now that i see, i think i should have listened to what people thought, and it's not about the heart. cause the heart failed me. you failed me.

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